Marriage and the Moves

I left that weekend from Eastern New Mexico University, Portales, NM with no committment other than working on our relationship to see where it might go.  With no renewed intimacy but rather a depth of conversation about life and what our futures might become, I returned to break an engagement with a wonderful young man who I loved but was not "in love with".  [This could have very well been a life altering mistake had I married. It is a lesson for all who may fall in love but not be "in love" --- there is a difference that must be understood.]

And it came to pass that after college, Dennis got his first teaching assignment in Dubuque, Iowa.  We spent a great deal of time together and so it goes that our long distance relationship that started in high school --- was confirmed in marriage February 7, 1970.  

Very soon after we were married, Dennis was drafted into the Army.  We lived at Ft. Sill Oklahoma when our son was born that next September.  Then in January 1971, was commissioned as a Staff Sergeant with the 101st Airborne Division and was sent to Viet Nam.  Back in those days, there was no email.  There was only "snail mail" and we were lucky if our letters could make the transAtlantic trip in no more than two weeks.  Scott was just a few months old so I kept busy with a new born as I waited for his return.  

When Dennis returned from his deployment, we moved to Dubuque with hopes he would get his old job back.  Well that didn't happen!  He had a job but it wasn't what he wanted.  With the GI Bill available for going to college, we decided he would enroll at the University of Northern Iowa to get his Master's degree in Health and Physical Education.  Before finishing his master's we were blessed with a daughter who seemed to complete our family of four.  

With a few moves and a few setbacks seeking the job that had a future, Dennis eventually accepted his position to Coach swimming in Pasadena, Texas.  We left our families behind as we moved our caravan of furnishings, vehicles and a boat to Texas in 1976.  Never could I have realized what a difficult transition this would be.  Dennis was absolutely beside himself with joy working at a job he loved.  I was at home with two little ones and did not know a soul.  I was lonely and HOMESICK.

I knew Dennis as a confident person who knew no limitations on life.  His motto was “the only real limitations in life are the ones we put on ourselves” AND “the only thing that holds us back is the fear of failure”.  So after moving to Texas, (with his support and encouragement), I went on to get my bachelor’s degree in education.  He never pushed but always encouraged.  I recall one time when I had "burn out".  I was talking of dropping out -- he listened quietly and then suggested that I not give up -- but that I needed to back up from taking 18 cr hrs per semester and take no more than 12.  I followed his suggestion and it helped me tremendously!  I finished and realized my dream to be a teacher in 1982.

After 10 years of teaching, I went back to get a Master’s degree in Education with Mid-management and Supervision certification.  As an educator, I was a teacher, technology instructional specialist, peer facilitator, and assistant principal.

This story isn’t as important as it is for you to understand the love and encouragement that helped me rise above childhood circumstances that continued to plague my confidence.  Dennis taught me to live life, reach out for something with passion and to put myself in a situation where I can get up every morning looking forward to the day ahead and the challenges it brings. Now when I listen to swimmers and others speak of what lessons they learned with Dennis -- I am drawn to the irony that those are the same life lessons we lived in our personal lives.  It was who he was ......

He was the most spiritual man I have ever known.  He lived his faith. He demonstrated kindness, encouragement, compassion and support of others. Simply put – Dennis has been my strength and my rock. He has always been by my side. He loved me unconditionally.

Now when I look back, I can more clearly understand the gift I was given.  God gave me a gift of unconditional love and acceptance in a man who lived his life with great joy and a positive attitude.  He modeled for me the way to stand strong and embrace life with all its gifts and challenges.  With him by my side -- it seemed there was nothing I couldn't do.