Missed Engagment

It was somewhere in February or March 2002 when I started noticing little things that Dennis would forget.  There was a period of time when Dennis would misplace and or forget things.  He was constantly saying, "where is my..."; "what happened to my...." and "where are you....".  As a wife I found these things a little annoying and out of the norm for him so I just did what I could to help resolve the issues.

During this time, I was an assistant principal at a middle school.  Dennis usually stopped by to eat lunch while I was on cafeteria duty.  With our busy schedules, it was nice to grab a bite and remind one another of the evening schedule.  That day -- I reminded him we had a dinner engagement at the University of Houston for a friend who was graduating from Chef School.  There was a formal dinner and we were looking forward to the festivities with friends.  I reminded him twice to meet me at our daughter's house by 5:30 so we could make it to the dinner on time.  No questions asked and he assured me that he would see me then.

At 5:30, I sat at my daughter's house waiting.  I waited.  And I waited.  I was frustrated because I made numerous calls and could not reach him by phone (he had lost his cell phone).  Finally, we had no choice but to drive on to University of Houston at 6:00.  I continued calling as my friend drove.  Then there was a pleasant calm voice answering the phone at our home.  It was Denny!  He said, "where are you?" That question just set me off so I replied, "What do you mean where am I?  I am on my way to the dinner and because of you we are going to be late!"  He said "I have no idea what you are talking about."  To that I sighed and said well just stay there and I will see you at home after the dinner.  I couldn't believe it!  All the reminders and he forgot.

Well that evening we discussed the confusion and he apologized in the midst of me fussing at him.  I told him that I thought maybe he should go to the doctor for a hearing test.  Honestly I was not being a sarcastic!  He was a Viet Nam Veteran and I always believed he had some legitimate hearing issues from the big howitzer guns.  My thought was that a year of working fire missions with the 101st Airborne were bound to have damaged his hearing.  He reluctantly agreed (you know men hate going to the doctor) so that next day I set up the appointment so we could both attend.

On the day of the appointment, Dennis and I walk in to our doctor and discuss possible hearing concerns.  Hearing was checked promptly and it was fine.  Back in the exam room, the doctor asked me why I thought there was a problem.  Dennis promptly said "oh she is just upset because I forgot a dinner date".  Here I am in a room with two physically fit men and I am suggesting there is a problem.  Feeling like a total fool, I blurt out the things I had noticed recently.  When I added that Dennis is such a considerate person and I know he is not purposely chosing to ignore things, the doctor decided to just check a few other things.

A nurse came in and asked a battery of questions.  She asked him to count backwards from 100 by 5s; what year was it; who was president; what was his birthday; he had to repeat back a series of words to her and so on.  The more she did this the more irritated Dennis became.  He was having difficulty and covered it by saying "this is all stupid and a waste of time".  Then she gave him a sheet of paper and pencil.  Her directions were to write down anything he wanted to.  I thought to myself  she has no idea what he could write.  I knew he was frustrated!  I knew he was angry at me for making the appointment!  So I started to walk out when she said, "Do you want to see what he wrote?"  I declined then she assured me that I did.  On that paper it said, "I LOVE MY WIFE!"  With that my heart ached.  I felt foolish.  I excused myself because I thought we were done and I drove on home (we were in two cars).

 I cried softly driving home thinking I had just put him through that frustration and humiliation for nothing.  Once home, I sat in the recliner resting and wondering what our conversation would be when he got home.  How could I make him understand how sorry I was.  Dennis arrived about 25 minutes later.  He came in and leaned over to give me a kiss.  He said "well the doctor must think something is wrong because he has scheduled me for some other appointments."  I am not mad at you!  I love you.

Blog Purpose

It has been a whirlwind day of information and learning to navigate this Google Blogger.  It has been a bit overwhelming at times and exciting at other times.  I have played with the layout and templates making a mess out of things but finally, I think Pam has taken me to a place where I can begin writing. 

It is with some trepidation that I venture out with my writing.  As an educator, I am keenly aware of how critical some can be regarding overall writing skills.  I would hope that those interested in following my blog will look past any imperfections/errors to see the message that I bring.

I have created Resources that will link you to sites for the National Silver Alert bill, Silver Alert History (with a list of States actively participating), Project Life Saver, and Medic Alert (which I have known as Safe Return).  If interested, these resources can give you further detailed information regarding information I will address from time to time.

After my husband's death, we donated his brain for research to the Sports Legacy Institute in Boston, Mass.  You will see Dennis' biography which is posted on the donor page for the Institute.  SLI is one of the leading research programs for studying concussions as they have impacted athletes (particularly football players).  In my blog I will share with you what the pathology report indicated regarding Alzheimer's.

And finally, I have included a nice article that was in the Houston Chronicle.  A good friend and neighbor contacted the paper and suggested they do an article regarding the challenges we faced as a couple.  The weekly feature was highlighting various love stories. This interview and followup article came soon after Dennis had spent nine weeks in the hospital with numerous near-death events. I find great comfort in reading this now that Dennis has passed.

I don't have an organization plan in mind.  I hope to start in the beginning (2001) trying to recall the various stages of dementia and the challenges/rewards that came along the way. And if all goes well, you will know why I called this blog 'What I have learned about Love, Faith, Hope and Alzheimer's.

Time to Share

This is a work in progress.  I have a good friend (Pamela Kramer) who is helping me maneuver the blogger so I can switch from writing a book to writing a blog.  Be patient and it will be worth your time to follow my ten years of experience with Alzheimer's as a caregiver.

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