Honoring the Legacy

Legacy Honored by PISD

On May 28, 2013, the Pasadena Independent School District with a unanimous vote announced they would name the new Aquatic Center in honor of Dennis Shippey.  If you have been reading any of my blog you know that the last 10 years of Denny’s life, he faced the challenges of dementia.  This honor is testimony that the board gave careful consideration of the letters, emails and personal conversations recommending this decision.

The biographical sketch that accompanied the request was as follows: 

Personal Profile

• Teacher/Coach/Aquatic Coordinator 1976-2004
• Married (Linda Shippey) teacher and retired Assistant Principal/teacher PISD
• Children (Scott and Sondra) both graduates of Sam Rayburn High School and Texas A&M
• Scott Shippey All American (swimming) for PISD
• Swimming Scholarship Texas A&M

Educational Profile

• Davenport West High School (Iowa) ‘65
• State Champion and All American (swimming)
• Athletic Hall of Fame for Iowa (high school swimming) ‘96
• Worked in special program to teach swimming to children with disabilities
• Eastern New Mexico University ’69 (Bachelor’s Health/Physical Education)
• NAIA All American swimmer
• University of Northern Iowa  ’73 (Master’s Health/Physical Education)
• Graduate assistant physical education
• Assistant Swimming and Diving Coach

Military Profile

• United States Army drafted ‘69
• 101^st Airborne (Viet Nam) Artillery specialist

Professional Profile

• PISD teacher/coach August ’76- July ‘04
• Swim Coach Boys and Girls ’76- ‘04
• Aquatic Coordinator (last 15 yrs with district)
• Coach of the Year for both girls and boys swimming

Community Profile

• Coordinator of summer swim programs in Sagemont and Sageglen Community
• Administrator of summer swim programs for PISD
• Head Coach of  Southbelt Area Summer League swim team

Achievements/Accomplishments after the 2002 diagnosis of Alzheimer’s

• National Championships (swimming) for US Masters
• National Championships (swimming) for YMCA
• National Championships (swimming) for Senior Games
• 2007 Theron Pickle Lifetime Achievement Award presented by TISCA (Texas Swim Coaches Association)
• 2011 Texas Senior Games Hall of Fame (first swimmer inducted)
• Top 5 in the World FINA rankings (breaststroke) 2008-2009

Background

With small children in tow, we moved to Pasadena in 1976 leaving both our family and friends.  We were high school sweethearts and loved our home in the Quad Cities but the opportunity to Coach swimming in Texas was more than inviting – it was an answer to prayer because Dennis did not have a coaching job at the time. 

For me this was a ‘no brainer’ decision.  We would go where my husband could follow his dreams.  I never had any idea how homesick I would be once we got settled.  Dennis was welcomed as a ‘hero’ to the Sagemont/Dobie community.  He was absolutely blessed every day doing what he loved most – coaching.  On the contrary, while he was busy coaching (with long hours), I was at home with two little ones (and no friends).  There was a phone on the wall but no one to call.  And back then there wasn’t a budget for long distance calls except for special occasions. 

Dennis was sensitive to the fact I was so homesick.  He suggested getting involved with church activities which did help.  But in time, it was his suggestion that I attend college at $4 a semester hour.  At first it was just a couple of courses on the evenings when he was home.  Then once both the kids were in school full time, I attended college full time.

I give you that background because being a coach’s wife is a bit of challenge in having quality family time other than Sunday’s.  And even on Sunday’s, he would tell me he needed to run check on the pool (for Monday swimmers) and would be right back.  I remember being irritated at times, thinking to myself.. “why can’t someone else do that?”  In the end, it was his dedication and selfless giving of time that will be his legacy.

With this announcement, there is great humility and pride knowing how blessed I was to spend my adult life with a humble, hard-working man who was deserving of honor and respect.  He truly was an inspiration and mentor to many!  The board's decision demonstrated their consideration of all that was presented and the history of swimming from 1976.

It was faith that brought us to Pasadena - hope that kept us here -- and love that prevailed.

Wedding of Tears: The gift

The Wedding of Tears

It has been several years since I last attended a wedding.   Recently, a dear friend invited me to attend her granddaughter’s wedding.  I wrestled a bit thinking of what good excuse I might have for not attending.  After all, I would not know anyone except my friend and I would have no escort.  But with her constant inquiries … was I coming.  I made the commitment to attend.

This was a small wedding in a quaint little sanctuary nestled in a wooded area.  (Just driving up to the church, I had thoughts of when I was a child and attend small rural church services.)  It was a beautiful spring day and my thoughts of this young couple uniting in marriage – made me smile. 

Well from the time I walked into the sanctuary, I saw a group of young men standing at the front of church chatting.  It took my breath away to see them all in uniform.  A man in uniform just brings me to “tears” just knowing the commitment they are making for our country.  So before I ever laid eyes on any ladies in the bridal team, my heart was filled with tears of joy seeing these young men stand together. 

As we all sat waiting for the service to start, I listened carefully to the pianist and the music that was selected to welcome guests.  There were songs of love and commitment.  It was nice to hear the music and be reminded of my own wedding and the years I spent with Dennis as his wife.  I smiled thinking how these two young people had no idea what was in store for their lives but I did know they were in love.  They were about to start a journey of life that neither of them (nor any of us) can fully grasp. 

And finally, the processional began with attendants and the bride.  Everyone was beautiful but no one more so than the bride.  The flower girls were delighted with their pretty dresses and all the attention.  But when the bride entered … all eyes were focused on her.  Again, tears of joy fell softly down my cheek.  (I couldn’t help but wonder where all the years had gone.  I couldn’t help but remember the day I walked down the aisle knowing that Dennis was there to meet me and I would become his wife.)

When the ceremony was over, there was idle conversation while waiting for the bridal party to leave the sanctuary.  It was in that time, I heard the story of the groom.  Five years previous, he had been married to the bride’s best friend.  On one fall afternoon the groom got word that his father had passed away.  While he and his wife were traveling to make the arrangements – there was a tragic accident and the wife was killed.  So on this one day, this same groom had lost his father and his wife.  So on this day of the wedding I was attending, the groom married his deceased wife’s best friend.  All I could think was how God has a way of healing sorrows and leading us to paths of living in faith and hope for the future.

Then at the reception, I was talking with my friend and her daughter.  It was then that I asked if the groom had siblings.  They said he did indeed but they were unable to attend.  But they added that the couple who sat on the grooms side in the front – were the parents of his first wife.  His parents were both deceased.  In fact the man who did a reading during the service was the father of the deceased wife.  The new bride was like a daughter to them.

As the story unfolded, my heart rejoiced in the glory of our Father’s healing hands.  Any tears I had were not of sorrow (not even reflecting on my own wedding) --- but tears of pure joy.  What I am learning about faith, hope and love continues to comfort and encourage me.  What I am learning is that life goes on and love surrounds us in even the darkest of times.  We must embrace God’s will and His ability to strengthen our relationships with those around us.

Tears of joy were my gift that day:  the uniformed officers, the beautiful bride, the loving parents of the first wife and a great friend who wanted me to join her family in this celebration of matrimony – never knowing what a gift it would be.   

Understanding Our Elders

Understanding Our Elders

Recently I have been thinking about my elders.  In particular, I have thought about my mother, grandmother and aunts.  As a little girl I was surprised by the loud and joyous praise of our Lord in the tent revivals that visited our little town from time to time.  Most in attendance were the elderly (and for me at age 6 that was anyone over 30).  The music was uplifting and soulful.  The message was a bit frightening (with hell and damnation) but overall it was just a time when you wiggled in your seat with anticipation for the ending when I could run and play with the other kids.

Speaking of elders brings to mind how the matriarchs and patriarchs of my family seemed to maintain some degree of tranquility and have a simple answer for most conflicts.  To the contrary, In their younger days, I saw my share of family arguments and discord.  But in those later years, there was nothing demonstrated but love and compassion and acceptance for one another and one another’s lives. 

I wondered where that sense of calm came from.  How did that change come about?  My own mother made peace with distant family members that she had never visited or spoken to.  I couldn’t help but wonder if there was some weird series of events that made this possible.  I remember openly asking Mom why she was going to visit a sister-in-law on my dad’s side of the family.  They had not seen one another for many years but they seemed connected somehow.

And now as I have joined the “elderly” and continue the journey as a family matriarch, I too find myself more accepting, more loving, more open, and full of love for others.  I have experienced enough life to know that life is NOT black and white (my 30-50) but various shades of gray.  I see two sides of every story without taking a side.  And most important I choose to see the good in people.  I find kinship with other elders who have similar stories of life, death, family and faith.

The key word here is “faith”.  If we are blessed to be an elder, we soon realize it is time to get your affairs in order.  It is time to follow the Lord and give your life to serving others.

It is not about ME!  It’s about YOU!

After our 10-year journey with dementia, then losing Denny August 2011 – my world came crashing down.  These have been the most difficult days of my life.  Never before had I felt so all alone.  According to a Grief Share (receive these daily) message:

The Bible says there are powerful principles for living that can be learned through grief and loss.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation . . ." (Philippians 4:12).

Unfailing strength is found in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NLT)

Sharpen your focus on the things in life that have lasting value, and contemplate your eternal life, being certain about where you will spend it.

Saving Jesus, my strength, my hope, and my joy are rooted in YOU. I want to live with YOU forever in heaven.             Amen.

After two Presbyterian Pilgrimages (for this Catholic) and with these daily messages, it is finally soaking in.  And when I spent the last six weeks of my brother Milt’s life at his bedside, I received an incredible insight and peace regarding death.  Milt and I had conversation that only those facing their final days can share.  We spoke of family, life, death and future generations to come. Those days were a gift!  Those conversations helped me more than words can express. 

And so it was that I watched my husband and my youngest brother die with dignity and grace.  They were in God’s loving arms ready to join their parents and generations past. 

When you live your life for Christ, you are not so focused on yourself and your loss of loved ones.  What I have found is an enriched relationship with those who are in my life.  That does not just include family, but friends and even strangers at times. 

I have a greater ability to comfort others.  In comforting others, I am comforted.  I have a greater ability to stay calm (previously not one of my strengths) in adversity.  I have a much greater ability to spare my opinion and let others live out their lives as it is meant to be. 

Even the air I breathe feels better!  I sleep better because I am at peace.  I cherish friendships. I don’t see obstacles only opportunities.  I have many more good days than bad (missing Denny).  I know I have been blessed with loving parents and a loving/spiritual husband for 41 years.  And most of all, I know the Lord “is with me”.  HE has carried me through many “storms” where I have learned to “dance in the rain”. 

Filling the "hole"

Filling the “hole”...

When Denny first passed away, there was a busy time with lots of people who were available with their hugs and condolences.  But as with all good things – that would end and life would resume to “normal”.  But for me there was no normal.  I had to create a new “normal”.  I had no idea what that would be or how it would look and feel.  To be quite honest --- I could have cared less about even creating a new normal but it has evolved with time.

The “hole” I speak of is that place in my heart (and soul) where Dennis filled me with unconditional love, comfort, support, encouragement and more.  With him the days of low esteem and no confidence had pretty much disappeared.  Life was good even with dementia (until the last year).  We made adjustments to living and denial became our constant companion.

With his death, that ‘hole’ was profound.  I wanted desperately to be held (as he would do)!  I wanted someone to tell me I was loved (as he would do)!  I wanted a constant companion (as he was)!  I was looking for someone to fill that spot.  It is at a time like this when widows and widowers could easily fall into the arms of an available friend for that void….to find out later it was not the answer.  For me there was no one to “hang on” or cling to.  Desperately in sorrow, I took an emotional path of darkness.  Emotionally I shut out others!  After all, I didn’t want them to know the depths of my sorrow.  I didn’t want to hear them give the cliché words of encouragement as they went home to husbands or boyfriends.  I knew I wasn’t the first woman to lose my husband.  I just wanted to deal with this alone.

I wanted to analyze my feelings.  I wanted to self -help my way through sorrow.  After all, I was an educated woman with a Master’s degree.  I could handle this privately!  Well as Dr. Phil would say, “How was that working for you?”  It didn’t!  It was an absolute disaster.  My grief was compounded by my closing out family and friends.  I couldn’t make myself go to church, social events or any activity that involved couples. 

The “hole” was certainly God’s plan – not mine!  With that “hole”, I was broken and searching.  I searched all the worldly resources and intellectual exchanges that should have helped.  God was smiling thinking to himself … “give her time!”  Without my dearly departed husband, the void that I felt could be filled by only one thing – FAITH – and one love – GOD!  Through Him, with Him and in Him are the answers to any of life’s challenges.  That profoundly new to my psyche because I thought Denny and I were the ones navigating life with our spiritual strength.  We were showing God how strong we were and how committed we were to each other, family and friends. 

Using a swimming metaphor, I will say that I swam very poorly when I met Dennis.  With him, I received the swim wings that would never let me drown.  Along with the wings, he was always by my side smiling.  When God took him to Heaven, my smiling husband was no longer in sight.  The little wings had sprung a leak.  I was floundering thinking I would drown for what seemed forever!  Then slowly I got control of the out of control movement and relaxed to find that I could float.  And soon I would learn to swim on my own!! 

Now 21 months later, embracing the path of faith is slowly "filling the hole”.  Relationships with family members and friends have been enriched by my desire to love, comfort, and support others.  With this outreach, I have found comfort and healing.  I can truly embrace the saying, “It’s not about ME!  It’s about YOU!”  I am a work in progress with the operable word being progress...and I am progressing in faith.