To Embrace the Future...."Letting Go"

Letting go can be difficult.  Every day we let go of something; people, ideas, expectations, desires, bad habits, and so on.

As I begin this post, I am reminded of when our son, Scott, was in college. During one of my one-on-one visits he said to me, "Mom it isn't the stages of life that are difficult, it is the transition from one to another that is difficult."  For him, he was referring to when he went off to college and metaphorically didn't have time for "mama" when I called to talk.  Then after a couple years, he was calling me and I was busy with my daily routines and not always available.  And so life goes.
As I struggled with our children leaving home, I remember Denny telling me that I had to "let go" of them and they would return with a greater understanding of life, faith, hope, love and family.

Letting go is a transition.  It is not one I have never embraced willingly and always found a bit painful; whether it was a good thing to let go or a hurt that never healed.  I think I am somewhere in the middle of that "letting go transition".

As Dennis said to me when I shared my anger at what was happening to our lives as a result of the dementia, "Lin we can't live our lives in anger and bitterness.  I have had a good life, a great life, and I will continue to do so until the Lord calls me home."  Now I can echo to my life partner, "I too have had a good life.  And it was in my relationship with God and Dennis that I learned to let go of childhood hurts, self-doubt, and negative thoughts of myself -- that it became a great life!"

Every day, every moment provides a chance for us to re-invent who we are; to shrug off baggage (grief for me) and open ourselves to the possibilities in our future and take action to move in that direction with faith, hope and love.

Intellectually this is a given and easy to understand -- "knowing it and living it" are two different things.

God's timing is everything!  This morning I read something I want to share.  
"10 Tips to Let Go of the Past & Embrace the Future" by Cat O'Connor

1) Meditate: Find stillness, breathe. Meditation is action.  Our mind is much harder to still than our body.  Our lives are busy and fast paced, filled with external noise and distractions.  Clarity comes from quiet.
2) Understand: Take time to reflect on your own history as a third party lookin in without judgment; simple observe. Understand that you are not your past.  Knowing and understanding your past and some of your patterns will help you to recognize why you hold on and repeat self-destructive behaviors.  Understanding creates awareness; awareness helps you break the cycle.
3) Accept:  Accept your history and the people that have been a part of your history; accept your cirumstances that none of these define you.  Acceptance is the first step to letting go and setting yourself free.  
4) Empty your cup:  Consciously and actively work at letting go of your story; your judgments and ideals, the material things, all your stuff.  They have no real value.  They do not make you stronger, healthier or more powerful, and belief in them is a delusion.  Pour out your expectations of how, who, where and what you should be as theym, too, are part of a story that is holding you back from simply being.  Once you let go of this story and "empty your cup", your life purpose will open up and flow.  
5) Align:  Take a time to write down ; your core beliefs; your life goals; and the actions that you are taking to pursue those goals. Determine whether or not these align with your goals and actions.  
6) Flex:  It may seem paradoxical to detach from outcomes, yet set goals and work toward them.  But if you are flexible -- that is willing to let go of the end result --- aligning your goals and true purpose with the greater good is righteous action.  Be flexible; all the path to unfold as it will, opening up to opportunities.  Flex and flow with the current life.
7) Contribute:  Offereing a smile to someone as you pass, opening a door, dropping of some food at the foodbank, helping a neighbor; these simple actions can have lasting impact and help you to put your situation into perspective.  Contributing to the well-being of others is the best way to align with your true self.
8) Believe in yourself:  Believe in your purpose.  Believe that the universe is unfolding as it should and that you have a divine roll to play.  Believe that holding on does nothing in fact but hold you back from that purpose.
9) Love the process: Have fun. Be playful, cheerful and positive.  Give power to positivity.  Love yourself, love others and love this life.  It is a gift to unwrap each and every day, to gaze upon with new and excited eyes.
10) Be grateful.  Be True:  Once you have taken all these actions, just BE

To these tips, I give an absolute Amen!  Thank you Lord for this message.

I have always thought letting go related to pain, sorrow and/or grief.  On a simple basis, some of this is like shopping for new clothes. After 65 years of shopping ... if you never "let go" of the older clothes, your closet is a total disaster.  Silly I know to think of it that way but that is where I am.  It is time to sort through the closets of my heart to determine what needs to be passed on or put aside--- and what I need to help me embrace the future with faith, hope and love.

Scott had no idea his words would give me strength in my final chapters of life. Sondra has taught me how important it is to be present for your children and parents. She walked the path of dementia with Dennis and I for ten years.   If we listen\watch our grown children carefully, we will find God's influence in their words of wisdom and the way they live their lives.  We will see their values --- and smile.  Denny was right!  Letting go of our kids was God's plan for their lives.  They have never left so letting go was simply part of the plan.

I am determined ---The negative side effects of grief are no longer my "burden" to carry.  Letting go will only make me stronger. By letting go, I am one step closer to being the person God has planned for me to be.  It is time I have fun, be playful, cheerful and positive.  It is time to believe in myself and know my own strength of character.  This awareness comes with continued faith, hope and love.  I am blessed!

Another Celebration of Life

When my brother, Milt, passed away December 3, 2012, it was his wish to have no funeral service.  Instead he wanted the family to gather in the summer for a celebration of life at Scott County Park where he and Robin were married.  So it was that his two daughters, Heather (35) and Angela (11) along with my sister-in-law Robin planned a celebration of life.

June 22 was a beautiful day at the Park.  There was a nice breeze and it was great fun pulling together all the last minute preparations. Milt wanted family to come together for fun, laughter, pranks, music, stories from the past and all that makes loved ones smile.

Immediate family members ordered shirts that said "Forever Strong 117" with a picture below with Milt in his stock car.  Other than faith and family -- racing was Milt's passion.  That passion started when he was no more than 10 years old and our dad, Richard Moorman was a crew chief for Lee Shannon (DJ at KSTT).  Racing was a family affair always

We had a large gathering of family (minus my two children Scott and Sondra and Doug's son Greg).  Friends from racing and friends of the family were also in attendance.  In all we had about 50 people who were there to celebrate a life well-lived. On that day, we all clearly understood why Milt's request involved this celebration.  Funerals will always carry a certain amount of sadness that cannot be denied.  Our family is large, rowdy, crazy, funny and full of jokesters.

Milt's racing friends surprised everyone by bring this race car to the park that day.  When the car pulled up there were private tears by many.  The site of that car brought about quiet hugs, soft tears and much love.  Milt was "with us in that gesture".
Our brother Doug and his friend Teddy had planned the surpise as a gesture to keep his legacy alive and with us on that day.  But only with the entry of that car did anyone seem sad.  We all miss "my little brother" (53 when he passed).  But  no one could deny he fought the great of his life trying to battle the colon cancer.


As with any family gathering, there was an abundance of delicious food.  Robin made sure she prepared and provided all of Milt's favorite foods.  Anita (my sister) even cooked bacon at the park because Milt loved bacon when he went camping.  Potato salad, baked beans, mac and cheese, meat balls, etc could have fed an army.

Amber, Angela, Abby, Anita, Kimberly 

Richard Mallette, Heather Easton

After eating there were the silly photo opts.  Richard (nephew) practiced jumping in front of the girls. That picture took a few takes to get it right.  Richard and Heather (left) have a friendly cousin discussion.


Then of course the girls had to get in the scene.  It was time for the guys to line up and the girls to do the jumping.  You can clearly see this "matriarch" oldest sibling was coordinating and taking pics.  No jumping for this lady.

Travis, John, Richard, Brian, Sean and Ryan (fellas)

And the added bonus for Robin was having her sister from Montana visiting to join in our celebration.  She is now our adopted sister. The more the merrier has been our motto.  Milt was instrumental in finding Robin's siblings on the Internet about a year before he passed away.  They were reunited after years of seperation.


This blog has been dedicated to what I have learned about faith, hope and love.  When our folks were alive, sadly there was considerable rivalry for parent attention and meaningless conflicts.  The folks would say "after we are gone, there won't be a family".  Well folks -- your family here on earth is alive and well. We have  pulled together knowing the best way to honor your love and teachings is to spend time together.  With faith we can all look beyond our obvious differences.  With hope we gather when any one of us is facing a life/health crisis.  And with love, we have a new awareness that our time here on earth is limited.  We know to hug, say "I love you", and spend time together.  I believe we have made you proud!  (Richard Moorman RIP 2-14-86)  (Lorraine Moorman RIP 12-3-98)

Thank you Lord for helping us discover what is most important! Some folks say, "We don't pick our families.  We pick our friends."  I don't think we are meant to pick our family.  Within our family we learn many lessons about life that carry into our personal lives.  And the lesson that may be most important is compassion.  WE ARE A FAMILY!  We are blessed.