Driving Concerns

I start this writing disclosing the fact that Dennis would never acccept his diagnosis of Alzheimer's.  Even though he took the meds and heard the diagnosis -- denial was his constant companion (and to be honest mine too for about the first five years).  So other than the addition of calendars, reminders and written notes, life as we knew it didn't change a great deal in the beginning.

[Somewhere in those first few weeks after diagnosis, our doctor asked to meet me with me privately to go over questions, prognosis and adjustments to be made.  In that meeting, he made it clear that Dennis' dementia was caught early and that the life expectancy in this case was about ten years.  While those words were ringing in my head, he went on to suggest safety issues at home and the fact that at some point Dennis would not be able to drive.  He reminded me how important it was to have the support of our children, family and friends and that facing this was not something to do alone.]

Since denial was "our friend" during those first few years, neither of us were at all concerned about Dennis driving.  In fact, in January of 2004, Dennis drove from Houston to Davenport, Iowa to visit his mother.  This was a drive he had made numerous times each year starting in 1976.  When we talked about it, I had only a tad of concern because I was thinking he might stop for gas then drive off forgetting to pay. He had his cell phone and I called him or he called me every few hours until he got there.  There were no problems!  He had a great two-week visit then drove home without any incidents. 

During that next doctor visit, we were so pleased to tell our doc about the trip.  Dennis had done such a remarkable job!  We thought our news would please him.  WRONG!  He looked at me in shock then asked, "You mean to tell me Dennis drove to Iowa alone?"  I felt  like a child facing certain reprimands from a parent.  And so it came....  We were given strict orders to never do that again and how dangerous that could be.  The checkup was fine and we left quietly.  When we got to the car, Dennis expressed his frustration that the doctor didn't trust him to drive.  In our ignorance, neither of us saw the danger.

Another time, I was working as a substitute administrator at an Intermediate School.  The air conditioning had gone out that day at school.  I called Dennis and asked that he please bring me a floor fan.  Now you have to realize he had driven me to school that morning and that was a trip he made several times prior.  Well I made that call at about 8:30 am.  Noon came and Dennis had not arrived.  I could not reach him at home and he wasn't answering his cell phone.  With growing concern, I had friends check other possible places he might be.  Then finally I contacted our PISD police department to see if they would check various school facilities to see if he had gone to the wrong school.  NOTHING!  By 6:00 that evening, I had no choice but to report him as a missing person.  Living in the Houston area with its complex freeway system, I could only imagine he might have taken a wrong turn somewhere and couldn't find his way back.

Time stood still.  Friends stopped by the house asking what they could do to help.  Others called and told me they were driving the neighborhoods in Pasadena where we had lived for 30+ years.  And there was nothing.  7:00 pm trying to stay calm; 8:00 pm friends asking if they can stay with me; 9:00 pm checked back in with police department contact and they had nothing; 10:00 pm told my friends I was okay and just needed some rest.  I laid down to rest and dozed from time to time wondering what possibly happened.  I never felt he was in danger but I thought he was lost for sure.  It was 2:00 am the next morning when I got the call.  "This is the Brownsville Police Department.  We have your husband.  We found him at the checkpoint area at the border.  He is here with us and he is okay.  He has been very cooperative.  Can you tell me why he was a missing person?"  I explained the diagnosis of Alzheimer's.  The officer was quite understanding of the urgency at that point.  I went on to explain that he had medicines that he had NOT taken so I wasn't sure what his demeanor might be.  I asked if they please make sure he gets a bite to eat and is comfortable until I got there.  I was assured all would be fine. 

At the end of that call, I immediately called to get the first flight to the Valley so I could drive him home.   My trip there provided ample time to think about all that had happened and questions about how he got there.  Was he forced to drive someone?  I even made a call to his best friend Bruce. We talked through the situation and thought of what to do next.  Bruce was quick to suggest not to jump to a conclusion by taking Denny's driving privileges away.  That was of course heavy on my mind.

 I did not arrive at the Brownsville Police Department until after 9:00 am.  When I walked in I was relieved to see Den sitting with an officer behind a glass reception area.  I walked in to give him a hug.  It was more than apparent when I approached him that he was upset ... no he was furious.  I asked what was wrong but he didn't get much time to share when the female officer interupted to say "Let me tell you what happened!"  Dennis kept interupting and showing me his wrist.  He was clearly injured with a swollen wrist.  His rage was building.  I could hardly hear the officer talking so they wanted to talk to me privately but Dennis would have no part of that.

In time, I found out all had gone well through the night with the officers who I spoke with.  At the changing shift (in the morning), Dennis spotted a McDonalds across the street.  He told the officers he was going to go get a bite of breakfast.  They said he could not do that.  He argued why not because he wasn't arrested and had done nothing wrong.  He tried to leave against their orders and that was when a struggle occurred.  Dennis fought back from being restrained and during his rage, his wrist was indeed injured.  When I met the officer who restrained him, I understood the injury even better because he reminded me of Michael Clarke Duncan (actor in the Green Mile).

With all this conversation going on, Denny's level of rage was building again.  He stormed down the hall of the holding area and tried to break through the door.  The entire time he is screaming, "I am getting the hell out of here."  I did my best to stay with him and calm him.  With all the chaos, numerous officers appeared behind me.  I kept pleading with him to please calm down so we could go home.  I confirmed with him that we could not leave til he calmed down.  This negotiation was interupted by a voice behind me.  It was a female officer who spoke in a soft tone.  She said, "Dennis we are so sorry for what has happened to you.  This whole thing should have been handled differently.  Please accept our apology.  If you just listen to your wife, she is here to take you home."

Her kindness seemed to console his rage enough that I could sign the necessary documents and take Dennis safely to the car.  He was indeed hungry so I took him for breakfast.  On the drive back to Houston, Dennis continued to tell his story.  He pleaded with me he did nothing wrong.  He didn't understand what all the fuss was about.  His rage built once again when he relived the injury to his wrist.  He slammed his fist on the dash of the van while I was driving.  Up to then I let him vent.  At that point I had to put a stop to some of it.  I said, "You have got to stop the rage!  It is dangerous for me to drive like this.  If you don't stop I will not be able to drive us safely home". 

After a doctor visit soon thereafter, we knew that Dennis' injury was superficial and the swelling would subside in time.  His fighting the restraint had caused the hand restraints to cause part of the injury.  And sometime during the next week, an officer from the Brownsville Police Department called to make sure Dennis was okay.  She apologized once again on behalf of the department regarding the incident.

Relieved that Dennis was home safely, the driving issue had to be addressed.  I couldn't ignore what had happened. For one thing Adult Protective Services contacted me as part of their investigation as a result of the missing persons report on an alzheimer's family member.

A concerned neighbor called me one day and said she had told her computer technician about Denny's story and all that was happening.  He had shared with her that he could put a tracking device on our vehicles so that would not happen again.  Being a skeptic, I listened and decided to at least talk with the young man.  We met and he explained that I would need an account with Accutracking and a T-mobile phone to do this.  The phones would be hotwired into the vehicles and this would allow me to get on the computer at any time and see where our vehicles were located.  The good news with this was that I didn't have to involve police officers and he couldn't get too far away without us finding him.

So with an investment of a few hundred dollars, I had the system set up on both our vehicles. It was incredible!  I could actually see the car sitting in the lot or driveway. I didn't say anything to Dennis because I knew he would not like the idea.  But he was definitely NOT ready to stop driving so this was my safety net. 

And so the story goes .... we had a few more incidents where he got lost and with the help of the technician and a few friends in the PISD police department, we could always find him and get him safely home.  While being observed by myself and officers, Dennis could clearly drive with care and follow the laws of safety.  His problem was wandering and getting lost.

One day I returned home from work to find Dennis on the driveway.  He had pieces (components of the tracking) all torn out of his vehicle.  He was furious!  He said, "What the hell is this?  Don't you trust me?"  In frustration I came back at him with, "Of course I do!  I am just doing everything I can to let you drive safely.  I am the only one who thinks you should still be driving.  I am on your side but I have to answer to the law and others regarding how I am keeping you safe.  Now you have just ruined that for yourself." 

Later that evening, when we had both calmed down, we talked about the tracking system.  I assured Dennis I was trying to make sure he had the freedom to live a quality life.  I continued to emphasize me committment to being on his side.  We were a team (were my words).  He apologized and told me, "You are the only one who really understands me.  I don't know where I would be without you."  We spoke of our faith and how it was important to take things just one day at a time.

My technician did reinstall the equipment so Dennis could continue to drive a vehicle.  But as you can guess, the issues later became safety for others not just the wandering. Timing for taking away driving privileges is crucial to everyone.  But most important-- thought and consideration should be part of the plan.  Dennis was a caring person who would never want to hurt another person.  For us it was just me driving anytime I was in the car.  And while I was at work, I arranged transportation for Dennis so he could swim and bowl.  The process was never an abrupt halt.  It was gradual and uneventful in the process of change.